(The crowd are roaring and they don't know why! The Doc called them all up for a special FCoGW version of the Survivor Series. There's signs saying "Hey Doc, You Said US$20 If I Turned Up!" and "How Do You Spell Chicken?". The commentators for this evening are the Doc and Nitsuj Yssov.)
Hello folks and welcome, we are here for FCoGW Subsister Sequence 99. This should be a smasher! No doubt about it, Doc.
Whatever Nitsuj, this evening we have 24 wrestlers going up against each other, all divided into six teams of four.
Team One consists of Abe, the Mighty Ice Cream Guy, the Bullseye Kid and Hawaiian Harvey. These teams are purely random, remember folks!
Number has two compiles of Vlad the Impaler, Daniel "Ice" McAfferson, Slobber D. Jobber and Munchy Man.
The third team has Jean-Pierre, President Kowalski, Silver-Screen Sam and Alex Wood in it.
Then comes The Man with Ken Chop-Chop, bLaCk KnIgHt and Death for the fourth team.
Then the brilliant "Vegas Venger" Vinnie Smythe and Big Duke teaming with Loose Change and Da Bomb for the fifth team, and team six has the ever brilliant Red Crow with Dark Sigh, the Masked Steroid Abuser and Back Stabber.
It goes like this, team one wrestles team two, to make it harder to get to BPD's belt, the survivor's wrestle against team five, whoever survives after that wrestles against team three, then team six before team four hits the ring. And the survivors after all of that then wrestle each other. The winner of all that wrestles BPD. To eliminate someone you have to throw them over the top rope. You can tag out though.
Are you quite finished?
Hmmm, yeah, why?
Well, the Ministry of Degenerates have their manager with us this evening, he'd like to comment on stuff.
Okay then, let him in.
Okay, ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the ex-foreman of the GOWD, Professor Zak Xavier!
What the f@#k?
Thankin' ya'll indeed. Hey bro, what's up?
No way, get outta my booth!
No way brother, there's no way, you just invited me!
Well, I can outvite you too.
There's no such word Doc.
Hey, you're my secretary, listen to me!
Whatever. We're about to start now Doc, here's Jesse.
This first match is between team one: Abe, Steve, TBK and Harvey against team two: Vlad, "Ice", Slobber and Munchy Man. (They come out of different sides, all eight themes are playing at once, the crowd don't know whether to boo or cheer. So they boo and cheer.)
***DING! DING!***
The Fascist Strongman, Abe, and Munchy Man start out in the ring, Abe whips Munchy Man into the ropes clotheslines him then kneedrops him in the guts.
Terrific combination.
What would you know? Huh?
A lot more then you, Zeus Theodore Xavier!
Now, now boys, we're professionals, got it Zak? Got it Zeus Theodore Xavier? Pffft, bah ha ha ha!
You're gonna pay Zakary!
Tee hee, Abe picks up Munchy Man and nails him with an over-the-shoulder gut breaker. Munchy Man is dazed.
TBK looks confused on the apron, he doesn't know if he should save MM or throw him over the rope!
Well, Abe tags TBK and he picks up Munchy Man and throws him at the rest of team two, Ice ducks but the rest are knocked over, so Ice enters the ring.
These two came against each other at tDDD5, Ice got collected then, and again now. TBK whips him into the ropes and then puts him to the floor with an armdrag takedown!
Great follow up there by TBK. Who has just put an armlock hammerlock on Ice. He is screaming like nothing else.
Not as much as the time I put live scorpions in your pyjamas Zak, you didn't sit down for three whole weeks. Three whole we...
Years, it was years. And I still can't feel my ass you d@#khead!
Tough cookies! The Bullseye Kid holding him in that hammerlock, Vlad enters and boots the Kid in the face, then leaves. The Kid releases.
Ice quickly up and pounces on the Bullseye Kid, who has tagged Harvey, but Ice hasn't seen it, but McAfferson has the Bullseye Kid trapped in the corner. He's layin' in with the fists.
Leave him alone you bum, you're gonna pay!
With those smelly words, Hawaiian Harvey picks up Ice for a chokeslam, and he chokeslams Daniel over the top rope and onto the ring floor. He's been eliminated.
This is too easy for team one, they are yet to find a difficult opponent. As Vlad the Impaler enters the ring.
This is one scary dude, he is the ultimate in heels this guy. We should sign him up.
Not likely, he does not work well with others, Harvey tries to tag a team mate but nobody will extend their hand for the tag. Vlad attacks Harvey, facerake and then pokes Harvey in the eye.
This guy is fantastic! No doubt about it.
Uh, the doubts are that Harvey was once the Global Champ and that Vlad has never held a title in his life.
He hasn't had much of a chance, would you let such a beast have a shot at BPD's title?
No way known, BPD wouldn't let me give this guy a shot, but BPD's the only deserving Global Champ there is or has been.
Well, there's only been about four holders, Vlad whips Harvey into the ropes and then picks him up and gets him with a sidewalk slam. Harvey stands and holds his tail with pain.
Vlad again tries to whip Harvey into the ropes but the large islander reverses it and sends Vlad into the corner. Harvey distracts the ref asking him what his favourite color is.
As the ref explains all the shades of green to Harvey, the Bullseye Kid and Abe are choking Vlad, a double sleeper hold.
Vlad just busts loose and cracks the pair's heads together. They jump in the ring and attack Vlad.
That ref is still distracted, Harvey is asking what kind of green would complement the Empire State building.
I think perhaps an olive would.
Bah, more like a dark forest green stupid. Steve springboards himself and uses that led ice cream cone that he so often uses, Vlad is knocked unconscious, TBK gives Harvey the thumbs up.
The other three evacuate the ring and Harvey lifts the sore Vlad up and throws him over the ropes. Slobber is the last one left from team two, he enters and stands on the top turnbuckle, he's telling Harvey to push him off.
Zeus, your stable are a pack of losers, look at them, they're scared of everyone.
Uh, one of his guys killed a commentator.
Oh, sorry bro.
Harvey pulls Slobber into the ring, he kicks him in the guts and gives him a DDT. This is too easy for the islander, he starts spinning the jobber by the hair and lets go at the peak of his spinning, Slobber goes flying into the crowd. And there's the bell.
All of team one survived, Steve didn't even enter the ring.
Just wait until the New Force members enter the match, they'll kick ass.
They're a pack of jackasses.
Are not!
Are too, here's the official word from Jesse.
They are too jackasses. Here's your winner, team one! Survivors: TBK, Abe, Harvey and Steve.
We're just ready to see team two: Loose Change, Da Bomb, "Vegas Venger" Vinnie Smythe and Big Duke enter.
At last Da Bomb will return to true form, he is a true champion.
If Mr. Mat were here, he'd agree with you, but he's not and we don't, so stick that in your pipe and smoke it!
I can't.
Why not?
He gets bad allergies. He's allergic to smoke.
Really? What happens?
Oh, just hives and occasional bloating.
Put that cigerette out!
Ruin all my fun!
Now survivors TBK, Abe, Steve and Harvey take on team five, the Duke, the Venger, Loose Change and Da Bomb.
***DING! DING!***
Vinnie Smythe, that pimping spastic starts off with the Bullseye Kid, who whips Vinnie into the corner, he stands on the second rope and punches him in the face, crowd count the punches. Seven before the Bullseye Kid stops, Smythe falls to the ground.
Hey, you can't use fists, Doc, tell him you can't use fists.
No.
Okay then. Steve convinces TBK to tag him, he enters and whips Vinnie into the ropes, spinning heel kick by the New Force flunky.
He deserves better than the New Force, he's a damn good wrestler.
He's white trash!
Oh, now who sounds like the Big Pimp Daddy?
BPD?
Shut the hell up! Smartass, Steve whips Vinnie in the ropes again and again with the spinning heel kick, Vinnie is down a third time. Who's that coming out from under the ring?
It's Icy, he picks up a chair, and hides behind the turnbuckle in the top right hand corner from us, Steve whips Vinnie in there.
What's Icy got planned? Steve charges in, Icy puts the chair behind Vinnie's head, but Vinnie ducks and the chair collects the face of Steve.
Boy, will the Mighty Ice Cream Guy ever be pissed off at his manager.
Steve and Icy have words now, Vinnie from behind with the dropkick into the corner.
That clang with the turnbuckle has to mean Steve's knocked out or it's dinner time.
Well, here comes the FCoGW chef and looks like he's made prawns again, curried prawns with a hamburger pate, yuk, get it away.
As the security guards take the chef away, Steve gets up and is dazed, Vinnie with an armdrag takedown. Steve straight back up, he charges Vinnie but Vinnie with another dropkick, this time to the face! Yeah Venger, go get 'em tiger!
Tiger?
What? They need a little encouragement.
Yeah, but tiger?
Vinnie tags out to Loose Change, the big man from Team Money Bags. He lifts up Steve and hits him with an inverted atomic drop.
Damn, that had to hurt his Father's Day preparations.
I know just seeing that hurts mine!
Ha! You, a father! Ha ha ha! Loose Change headbutts Steve and he drops again. Legdrop from Loose Change.
LC puts Steve's head between his legs and then delivers an almighty jack-knife powerbomb. Ouchy wawa!
I just finished warning Mr. Mat about that, you should know better.
Sorry Doc. Loose Change lifts up Steve as if he's doing weights, and there's a torture rack. He holds Steve behind his neck, and bounces up and down which gives the poor person in the hold a really bad back ache.
TBK enters and has words with Loose Change. Then crack! Damn, he's bad! A dropkick to the groin. Followed by a kick to the face.
Trust one of your guys to do that.
You want a piece of me?
Yeah? Right here and right now punk!
You're on!
Save it for the carpark gentlemen, Loose Change stands up and lifts up Steve again. He throws Steve out of the ring and Steve has been eliminated.
Harvey enters and clotheslines Loose Change. LC stands and gets clotheslined again. The two big men just hurting each other, this is what wrestling is all about folks.
I'll say! Harvey whips Loose Change into the ropes and collects him with a running shoulderblock.
Down goes Loose Change so Harvey tags TBK, he puts a scorpion deathlock on LC.
Loose Change in pain, Da Bomb goes in and TBK stares him back out of the ring. Big Duke doesn't scare easily, so he enters, but is thrown out again by Hawaiian Harvey. Vinnie tries too, but he is thrown out also.
TBK lets go and then tags Harvey who throws out Loose Change and tags Abe in.
Da Bomb enters the ring, he is looking bad and mean today folks.
No he isn't, he's looking ridiculous with that stupid little wick burning on his head.
You look ridiculous. At least I don't wet my pants.
Neither do I.
Well.....good. Clean undies!
What sort of an insult is that?
A really bad one.
They lock up but Abe pushes out. They lock up a second time, this time Da Bomb pushes out. They lock up a third time and Da Bomb executes a snap mare. Abe gets back up and there's a second snap mare, followed by a double kneedrop.
Da Bomb is a power force here in the FCoGW.
What? This is his first match.
So?
So it means you gotta say stuff like "Will be a force to be reckoned with" or "Up and coming power", he's no force yet.
Oh, okay then, how about he's gonna bring in the gold someday?
Yeah that's fine.
Has a nice ring to it, don't you think?
Sure, you can use that Zak.
Okay, he's gonna bring in the gold someday, he's looking a treat in the ring.
Man, you backed that up well Zak, didn't he Doc?
He got it from his big brother!
Thanks man. Da Bomb puts Abe on the top turnbuckle, there's the superplex, Abe is nearly out of this one.
Why didn't he just throw him over the top rope instead of sitting him on it?
He's like a lion, he plays before he kills.
He's gonna kill him? You can't do that!
It's just as figure of speech.
Thank goodness, that would have meant the Fascist Strongman title would be retired, we wouldn't want that.
No way, Da Bomb lifts up Abe and tries to throw him out of the ring, but he can't quite manage.
Too bad, Abe on the offensive, tries for the neck snap, but it's reversed by Da Bomb who turns it into a swinging neckbreaker. He beckons Big Duke in who helps him throw Abe over the top rope, two left from team one, three for team five.
Smart reversal, he couldn't see it coming. You need perfect timing for stuff like that.
You sure do, Da Bomb tags the Duke as TBK enters the ring. The Big Duke stares at TBK, TBK stares at the Big Duke.
They're still staring at each other.
What are they in love or something?
No way!
Uh-uh! They're no Thimon the Thailor! Big Duke with a European Uppercut, then lifts up the Kid and grounds him with a brainbuster. He tosses him over the ropes as Harvey climbs in as the last of team one.
Big Duke kicks him in the guts, DDT. He takes off his glove and throws it in the crowd. Bounces off one rope and then the other, but Harvey grabs his foot on the way through, drags him towards him and starts punching the Duke in the face!
Fists, fists, fists! Can't they use open hands these days. Harvey stands up and climbs the turnbuckle, flying legdrop on the Duke. The Duke reaches for Vinnie but....
Tag, Vinnie slingshots himself through the air knees Harvey in the face. Smythe darts up the tunrbuckle and goes for the flying bodypress but Harvey catches him in midair!
Bodyslam, Harvey picks up Vinnie and smashes him to the mat with a sidewalk slam. Now he picks him up and tosses him over the rope.
Dammit, that's not fair!
What's not?
Winning?
You guys hardly lose huh? Well, perhaps my guys can make it a new habit for you.
Shut your damn mouth, you're just here for special comments.
Whatever!
Da Bomb enters and he is hit with a running forearm smash. Da Bomb drops but bounces back up as Harvey works the crowd with a little dance.
A dropkick from Da Bomb sends Harvey stumbling into the ropes! But the Duke pulls them down and Harvey falls out of the ring!
***DING! DING!***
That means this match is over.
Well Nitsuj, one of my guys and one of your guys survived, what did you think of that match?
Quite an impressive debut by Da Bomb, he and the Big Duke will take on team three. This ought to be impressive if they can keep going on to the round after this one.
Here's your winner, team five. Survivors: Da Bomb and the Big Duke.
Well, we wait for the next one to begin, but it was a great performance by team five, but I sure would like to see some more great competition like that last match.
Ladies and gentlemen, the survivors Da Bomb and the Duke will take on team three: Jean-Pierre, Pres K, Alex Wood and Sam.
This should be difficult for team three, they have to wrestle Da Bomb.
***DING! DING!***
Big Duke starts with Jean-Pierre?
I'd be starting with Pres K to clear both these jerks out of contention, but Jean-Pierre?
Well, Jean-Pierre charges at the Duke so he flips him out of the ring and is eliminated immediately. That was poor.
It sure was, Alex Wood enters the ring, Big Duke distancing himself from Alex. He circles the feds most popular man.
Greatest of tacticians is the Big Duke, Wood lunges and is met with an Irish Whip into the corner, Big Duke follows in with a running shoulderblock. Wood drops.
Duke attempts the throw him out but Wood holds onto the turnbuckle, kick to the midsection sends the Duke stumbling. Wood lunges again but is sent crashing to the mat with an armdrag takedown.
Big Duke just buying himself time, letting Wood tire, Wood lunges again, but Big Duke steps to the side, Da Bomb pulls Wood over the top rope, the ref eliminates him because he didn't see Da Bomb's fast hands. What a great move by the Degenerate!
Fast hands? I could have made a cappucino with a hammer and a cococnut quicker than he pulled Alex Wood over the rope.
Then you need new refs!
Probably, or just get the fed an optometrist.
Do you know how much they cost?
What? New refs?
No, optometrists, you can get refs a dime a dozen. Optometrists are expensive, I think I'll just get some new refs instead of hiring an optometrist to check their sights.
Smart investment. Well, now it's the Big Duke and Da Bomb against Pres K and Silver-Screen Sam. President Kowalski enters the ring. The Big Duke's eyes widen and he tags Da Bomb.
This should be relatively easy for Pres K, he'll clean out this Degenerate.
Will not, Da Bomb is the hottest prospect this fed has ever seen!
Fat chance. Pres K quickly with a choke hold. Ref counts three and Pres K lets go, then Pres K puts it on again, but this time Da Bomb breaks lose from the hold that Pres K has put on him.
Da Bomb goes for a punch, but Pres K holds Da Bomb away with that big arm on top of Da Bomb's head, Da Bomb can't reach him. Sonofagun! He'll get his!
Pres K with a fist to the top of Da Bomb's head, down he goes. Legdrop from El Presidente Kowalski, he gets up and lifts Da Bomb high in the air. Now he just drops him, and he crashes to the ground. President Kowalski sees his oppurtunity and goes to eliminate Da Bomb, he throws Da Bomb but Da Bomb hangs onto Pres K's head.
Great move, Pres K tries to save him, but loses his balance and they both topple over the top rope. A wrestler left on each team.
Both the Big Duke and Silver-Screen Sam look a little confused, but they continue.
Big Duke lunges at Sam with a fist and connects on Sam's chin. Sam with the roundhouse right connects on the Duke's temple but he then gets hit with a European Uppercut.
Silver-Screen dressed up like Jack Nicholson out of the first Batman movie, he falls backwards. Kneedrop from the Big Duke.
My guess is that the Duke wants to get at the Masked Steroid Abuser for pinching Blue Devil.
Why did he take her?
Experiments!
Gross, don't say that twice!
Okay, Big Duke bounces off the ropes and there's a kneedrop to the head of Sam. Sam stands and delivers a massive football tackle on the Duke.
Duke down, get up, he can't coz Sam's on top of him with slaps to the face of the Big Duke. Get him off! You can't do that!
Why? They're open hands to the face.
So? You can't hurt a New Force member.
The only one which never gets hurt is that Red Crow, he loves pain. He's like people who watch Meg Ryan movies, sickos!
What's wrong with Meg Ryan?
Her movies are painful, you need to put a sheet of paper with a little pin hole in the middle of it to see them!
So true! Big Duke back up and hits Sam with an earringer, Sam back for more is grounded by a jumping necksnap.
Nice combo, Big Duke picks him up and it's probably all over thanks to that Soviet suplex, Big Duke tosses out Silver-Screen Sam like he's a piece of trash.
He is a piece of trash!
Not as much as Big Duke is.
You still wanna take me on don't you?
Anywhere, anytime!
What'd I say before?
Here's your winner, team five! Survivors: Big Duke.
Well, now the Big Duke has to take on team six which is Red Crow, Dark Sigh, the Masked Steroid Abuser and Back Stabber.
Maybe he'll get his shot at the Masked Steroid Abuser now. Who knows?
Madamme PiCarchu.
What?
She's my psychic, she knows everything!
Especially a schmuck when she sees one.
Hey, is she yours too?
Oh brother!
Yeah? What?
It's a figure of speech.
Oh.
The survivor, the Big Duke, will now face team six, Red Crow, the Abuser, Dark Sigh and Back Stabber.
***DING! DING!***
Well, the Masked Steroid Abuser pushes the others aside and tells the Duke to come get some, and boy, does he look mad Nitsuj.
He certainly does Doc, I don't think that I've ever seen a man look so passionate about something and certainly he does here.
The Abuser beckons, the Duke charges, the Abuser flips him over the top rope and that's that. It's over.
It certainly is, what do you have to say in defense of the Big Duke's stupid move?
Look, his passion and desire was there, but not his mind, if he had of thought about what he was doing instead of revenge, then we would have seen a better situation for the New Force here.
Here is your winner, team six. Survivors: Red Crow, the Abuser, Dark Sigh and Back Stabber!
That was a little pathetic, but we still have a couple of chances left to help BPD defend the title.
If those other guys were smart, they'd try and get that title for themselves!
I know that my guys wouldn't hold back if it were one of their own guys.
Well obviously your guys don't respect each other enough as to not take their friends belts.
No, my guys are in it for the money and they earn respect by defeating their friends.
This match consists of the survivors Red Crow, the Masked Steroid Abuser, Back Stabber and Dark Sigh taking on team four: The Man, Ken Chop-Chop, bLaCk KnIgHt and Death
***DING! DING!***
The bell has gone and the Man has entered the ring to an enormous pop. The Arena is shaking with the crowd's roar or President Kowalski is eating those prawn things again.
I'm quite sure that the answer to that is the Man's cheer. He is well loved here in the FCoGW, and he is lacking one thing, the Global belt.
Well, he's got about eight men to get through first, and here's the first, Dark Sigh.
DING! DING!
The Man whips Dark Sigh into the ropes and then hits him with a flying bodypress. He is on top of Dark Sigh and is slapping him about.
They've finally learnt about the open hand thing.
The Masked Steroid Abuser enters and pulls the Man off, the Man stands up and kicks the Abuser in the groin before throwing him out of the ring.
If he's that easy to get out of the ring, then I wouldn't consider him a threat.
And I wouldn't consider any of your guys half a threat!
Oh yeah?
Yeah!
Oh yeah?
Yeah!
Oh yea... This is pointless, the Man puts on the Move, and Dark Sigh is in pain, but he somehow gets out of the scorpion deathlock, he tags Back Stabber.
Oh man, the jobber crusher, this guy has never had a real match, he only wrestles jobbers.
Is he undefeated?
Only because he's been wrestling jobbers!
Why hasn't he had a shot at the belt?
Because he only wrestles jobbers!
Okay, no need to shout. Sheesh! The Man turns his back and Back Stabber gives him a bulldog, the Man gets up and faces him and he backs off. Is this guy scared or something?
He only attacks when their backs are turned. Get it? Back Stabber?
Oh yeah, I get it now.
The Man turns again, Back Stabber with a reverse snap mare, followed by a double kneedrop.
This guy is good at those cheap shots.
Maybe he should join your stable!
Hey yeah, mayb... Oh, smartass! Back Stabber on the offensive whips the Man into the ropes and Dark Sigh grabs the Man. He starts choking him, the Man pulls his feet back and puts them over the shoulders of Dark Sigh, he gives him some sort of a Frankensteiner variation, but has slammed Dark Sigh right on Back Stabber inside the ring.
Great counter by the Man, they're both knocked out cold. The Man throws Back Stabber out of the ring, then tags to Death, he picks up Dark Sigh and throws him out of the ring.
This young man here has made his impression in this fed, he needs a little more drive though. The Masked Steroid Abuser runs into the ring, he goes for the running lariat but Death ducks it sends him running faster into the ropes.
The Abuser rebounds off quicker, Death hits the mat and bounces back up and nails the Abuser with a sidewalk slam! Damn, what a move.
Even though he's wrestling one of my guys, I can't help being impressed. Death picks up the Masked Steroid Abuser, crotch slam. Then picks him up again for an inverted atomic drop. That's nasty!
It appears that team four are working on that sore crotch of the Masked Steroid Abuser's.
Death holds the legs of the Masked Steroid Abuser apart and headbutts him in the groin. The crowd here are screaming out for Death to stop.
Death whips the Abuser into the corner, he links the legs of the Masked Steroid Abuser, he runs up and kicks him in the groin! Damn! He links the legs again, he runs up and Red Crow clotheslines him!
The Masked Steroid Abuser tags out to Red Crow who bounds in, Death gives Red Crow a few knee thrusts before tagging the bLaCk KnIgHt.
Two New Force guys against each other? I can't see that happening, bK tags out to Ken Chop-Chop.
Ken comes under the ropes and takes out Red Crows feet with a baseball slide. Chop-Chop springs up and screams, fly kick to the head of Red Crow. Who gets up again.
Red Crow sure is a freak. He feels no pain.
He kicks ass, you know he'll never submit and he'll get up time after time after time.
Like your momma Zak. Heh heh heh.
She's your momma too.
Oh yeah, sorry mom!
Chop-Chop holds Red Crow against the ropes and is choking him, ref warns but Ken won't let go, Red Crow is blue in the face.
The Masked Steroid Abuser pulls Chop-Chop up a little and Red Crow flips the legs over the top rope, they eliminated Ken.
Yeah! There's no way he could have defeated Red Crow, none at all.
If Red Crow didn't have my guy to help him.
Death enters and stares at Red Crow in the eye.
Avoid eye contact, avoid eye.... Damn, he did it again!
Death hypnotises Red Crow with some sort of hyponosis, then walks up and throws him out of the ring.
Ain't that cheating?
I don't think so, he didn't use any weapons.
But he used his brain, no other wrestler uses theirs.
It's got to be cheating somehow.
It's not, the Masked Steroid Abuser comes in shielding his eyes from Death. So Death kicks him in the groin again, he drops and cries. Death throws him over the top rope.
Dammit, that's cheating! That's dangerous!
That is oh so painful!
That's his problem, here's the official word.
Here are your survivors of Subsister Sequence 99, Death, the Man and bLaCk KnIgHt, they now wrestle each other. Submission only fellers.
***DING! DING!***
Death was out of the ring quickly and grabbed a chair to use. He uses it quickly on bK, bK looks unconscious, Death puts on Death's Clutches.
He cheats again, that's unfair.
Ref counts out the final New Force member, he was cheated out of a chance to help out BPD.
Well, Death should have held onto that chair, he stands up and cops the steel in the face, the Man hits repeatedly over Death's head.
He throws the chair away and bends back Death's thumb, the ref sees this as a submission, and counts it quickly because it looks like Death needs to see the paramedics now, he's bleeding big time folks.
That chair deserves a shot at the title, it's been in most matches tonight.
I know what you mean, the chai...
I don't believe it!
What?
Believe what?
Death got up!
Ladies and gents, Death is bleeding profusely out of his left temple, but he gets up dizzily. The Man backs off, he looks a little scared of Death.
How'd he get up?
Well, he put out one hand and then he put out the other, he leant on the...
I meant that as in sort of a shock expression.
Oh.
Death walks up to the Man and says "Boo!" and the Man faints from the sight of blood.
Death uses a figure-four leglock on the Man, and the Man comes to in the duration of the hold.
The Man screaming like a kid with scorpions in his undies, and he taps out to Death's abdominal stretch.
Here's your winner and Global belt contender, Death!
What we see here in the Arena now folks is the crowd giving Death a standing ovasion as he leaves to get patched up before his match against the Big Pimp Daddy. This was fantastic!
It's always good to see heels come out on top.
Speaking of heels, during the week, DJ Seedy caught up with the biggest non heel, Alex Wood. That made no sense.
FCoGW Interview
Howdy homeys. I'm here wit' da main brutha, Alex Wood. Welcome Big Al'.
Are you mocking me?
No sir, I ain't doin' nothin' o' da sort. I gots a few questions ta ask yo' if yo' don't mind.
Naw, I don't give a s@#t.
Uh, first o' all, why did yo' break up wit' Silver-Screen Sam?
He was a no hopin' spastic who couldn't wrestle a dead monkey that was decomposing.
Gee, tell us what yo' think Al!
Okay, that good for nothing piece of s@#t was gettin' up my nose. That f@#ked up schizo wasn't smart enough to have the likes of the Big Al on his team, I deserves better. He was just a piece of s@#t that weighed me down, and believe me when I says this, you haven't heard the last of Alex Wood Sam, just you wait and see in the future, you will get the Woodpecker, so beware my simple minded foe, or else you are in for a big surprise, the biggest!
Yo' decision ta join wit' Hawaii Five-O, what was yo' plans when yo' joined up?
When Alex Wood sees great potential in a stable such as this bunch of f@#ken champions, I never miss out. I just reach out and grab oppurtunity by the balls.
Man, thank God my name ain't oppurtunity. What are yo' plans fo' da future?
Well, I'll see how I go in this Subsister Sequence, then team up with Abe and take on the Haughty Troupe, classy guy, a f@#ken champion compared to those d@#khead Haughty Troupe w@#kers, I'm gonna kick the s@#t through them, just you wait and see DJ, they'll wish they'd never heard of Alex Wood!
Well, dat's all from me here, an' dat means yo' should be ready to see BPD defend his title in da main event.
FCoGW Interview
Welcome back folks, we're just about ready to see Death come out from under his rock.
This match is set in a cage, first to escape wins! First, from the Pits of Hell, weighing in at 365 pounds and standing at 6 feet and 10 inches, Death! ("The Small Hours" by Metallica plays and the Arena blacks out. A red glow fills the Arena as the fans see no sign of Death, a huge flash of flames and Death is in the ring with his arms spread out and head back.)
And his opponent, weighing at a complete 298 pounds, standing at 6'10", representing the New Force, accompanied by his merchandise, the Facical Confederacy of Gimmick Wrestlers Global Champion, Big Pimp Daaaaaaaaaddy! (Slutty disco music plays as a line of whores come out, they have pom poms and are spelling Big Pimp Daddy with a "Q" hidden somewhere between the "W" and the "H". He walks out and stands at the end of the whores, he points to the crowd and they dart out into the crowd. He fondles his genitals then holds up the belt to a huge pop, he enters the ring.)
This has been a shock move by you Doc, you never cease to amaze me!
We needed this to be fair and legit, now I believe that Jesse has one more announcement...
And by orders of the Doc, Death's hypnosis has been banned for this match.
We should see a fair fight, Death just stares at BPD.
Well Doc, I can't say this isn't fair, it's what we all wanted.
It's what we all want, a fair fight, it'll be a good one.
***DING! DING!***
They stare at each other, BPD fearless now that the hypno thing has been banned.
When will they start?
As Zak spits out those words, they lock up, BPD pushes off Death, Death back in and gets BPD with a Japanese Armdrag takedown. BPD bounces back up.
BPD circles Death and Death just lears at him, Death has a psychological presence as well as a physical.
Not only is he strong, he's smart as well. And he's a great heel.
As we saw before when he worked on the groin of the Masked Steroid Abuser, Big Pimp Daddy makes a move but Death quickly reverses BPD's neck snap into a snap mare.
Death quickly from behind with the figure four sleeper.
BPD working on how he'll get out of this as Death tightens his grasp on the Pimp.
Death has an array of submission moves up his sleeve. Hey, while we're waiting, how about a joke?
Sure, why not?
Okay then, what's the difference between a chorus line of naked women and a magician?
I dunno, you Doc?
I don't have a clue, tell us Zak.
One's a cunning array of stunts.
And the other is?
Oh gross!
What? I don't get it! What's the other?
Oh switch a few letters dummy!
What? I don... Yuk, that's repulsive!
BPD still stuck but he pokes Death in the eye. Death lets go.
And you say that Death is full of cheap tricks Nitsuj.
Hey, desperate times call for desperate measures.
And desperate is the New Froce's middle name right?
It's better than Theodore! Bah ha ha ha ha!
Tee hee hee. Death with the facerake and then the knee thrust, BPD drops.
Big Pimp Daddy back up before he can put on another disabling submission hold.
What Death did to the Abuser was disabling. I'd be dodging those clutches too!
That's the only smart way to beat Death, avoid him. Death whips him into the ropes and they both clothesline each other! A double clothesline folks!
Big Pimp Daddy is the first up and sets in with a few stomps, the crowd are on their feet!
Death gets up hazily and there's bridging back suplex by BPD, wow! He's on the offensive now!
That's my boy! BPD whips him into the corner and climbs up, he punches Death in the face, the crowd count! 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8...9...10! I can't believe it!
Believe what?
That this crowd knows how to count!
Surprising huh? Big Pimp Daddy climbs the ropes, Death walking around the ring holding his head, and there's the flying cross body press! Death falls again. BPD up and there's a legdrop!
He didn't do a thing at tDDD5 but he is an alright wrestler this evening!
Alright? He's the Champ here! Big Pimp Daddy fondles his genitals as the crowd goes mad! They chant "Whores!" as BPD does a little dance!
You can hear this crowd, they love him to bits!
And he loves his bits too!
Ha ha! You're too funny!
They sure do! The Pimp lifts up Death for the Pimp Hammerlock Drop, and there's his reverse DDT variation! The crowd roar!
It's so loud in here you can't hear a thing!
What?
It's so loud in here, you can't hear a thing!
What?
It's so loud in here, you can't hear a thing!
What?
Before this goes on anymore, Big Pimp Daddy is strutting around the ring, he bangs on the cage and everytime Death goes to stand he kicks him in the guts.
BPD lifts up Death and smashes him into the cage, Death crashes to the floor!
My main man, Big Pimp Daddy, he's taken beatings and he's given them. But today he's defending his stable, Death has embarassed us so many times, but tonight Big Pimp Daddy will get back our respect!
My pidgeon's got more respect than you guys have or ever had!
Another expression? Big Pimp Daddy is having words with Death, BPD picks him up and pounds him to the floor again with a sidewalk slam. BPD has had enough gloating, time to win.
BPD starts climbing slowly, but too slowly, Death staggers to his feet and looks up, he sees BPD in the air but BPD saw him first, Big Pimp Daddy drops on Death with a cannonball type maneouvre.
Death has been trying so hard all tonight, his head is bandaged from the Man before, he gave what he could and got his head kicked in again, but stood up for more.
He doesn't know when to say when.
He'll never get a chance like this again, never ever!
He doesn't deserve one!
He deserves more chances than BPD does!
What makes you say that?
This guy has more heart!
Big Pimp Daddy has climbed a turnbuckle and is dancing and fondling. Too much fondling, not enough climbing.
Story of George Micheal's life!
Death stands and the fans all scream. BPD turns around but it's too late, Death pounds Big Pimp Daddy into the cage, BPD falls. Death darts up the side!
No way Jose says BPD, he pulls the left foot of Death so Death returns the cannonball from before and collects BPD.
Big Pimp Daddy gets back up and whips Death into the corner. He rushes in with a running shoulderblock, and starts punching Death.
Punch after punch, Death looks to be punch drunk from my understanding.
He sure does, but he punches Big Pimp Daddy in the face, BPD hits back, they exchange a blow for a blow!
He still hasn't given up folks, this is amazing!
This is truly candid, he can't still be trying, can he?
Not only trying, but now on the offensive, he whips BPD in the corner and then links arms to put BPD to the floor with an armdrag takedown.
BPD back up but down again after the single leg takedown from Death.
It can't happen, it just can't!
Death with a lariat, then a kneedrop to the face of the Big Pimp Daddy. Death darts up the far left wall!
He's nearly over, but BPD pulls on his foot, he pulls Death back in the ring!
Close call, Big Pimp Daddy whips Death into the ropes, he bends down to flip Death over, Death leap frogs him, and bounces off the rope behind him, BPD facing the other way!
No way, Death has stopped on the dime right behind BPD. He taps BPD shoulder, BPD spins slowly and is kicked in the groin!
I didn't see any dime.
BPD drops to the ground. Death climbs the turnbuckle, flying kneedrop! This is a true upset!
Big Pimp Daddy gets up slowly, round house right from Death followed closely by a side suplex!
Death lifts up BPD and smashes his head into the cage. He starts to climb the wall, he has one leg over th top. BPD gets up and smashes into the side of the cage and Death falls back into the ring!
Lucky for the current Global Champ, both men lie in the confinements of the cage, breathless.
This crowd trying to give the Big Pimp Daddy a rise, but Death is up first, he staggers over to BPD and falls at the Pimp's feet, he puts an anklelock on the Big Pimp Daddy. But Big Pimp Daddy kicks away.
Death needs to find an advantage here. He crawls to the left arm of Big Pimp Daddy, hewraps his legs around the lower part of the arm and pulls back.
BPD screaming in pain, he can't break free, and that arm is not looking good at all!
Another joke?
Why not?
Righto, this guy, John, he goes to the circus looking for a job. He goes up to the owner and asks if there's a job. The owner replies, "The lion tamer position needs filling, think you can handle it?" John replies "Sure, do I need anyting?" "A chair and a whip," says the owner, "it's all quite easy!" "What do I do when I take a step forward?" asks John. "Crack your whip and the lion takes a step backwards." "What do I do if I want to take another step?" "Crack your whip and the lion steps back again." "What do I do if I want to take a third step?" "Crack your whip and he takes a third step," replies the owner. John thinks he's got the hang of it when a thought occurs to him. "What do I do when the lion takes a step towards me?" he asks. "Crack your whip and take a step back." "What if it takes another?" "Crack your whip and take another step back." "What if it takes a third step towards me?" "Crack your whip and take a third step back!" replies the owner. "But what if it I'm stuck against the cage wall?" asks John. The owner answers "Bend down and pick up some s@#t and throw it in the lion's eye." "What if there's no s@#t?" asks John. The owner replies "There'll be s@#t alright, there'll be s@#t!"
Where did the s@#t come from?
Are you that stupid?
No doubt about it, Death has found his vantage point.
This crowd has gone silent, watching their hero, the Big Pimp Daddy, cry out in sheer pain and what the hell was that crack?
(Zak is on the ground, his chair is broken.)
I was leaning back on my chair, sorry, I broke it.
Fat ass! I thought that was BPD's arm! Death lets go and stomps on the face of Big Pimp Daddy one last time, he treks to the cage wall. Big Pimp Daddy stands too, there's no energy left for wrestling, they'll both have to climb and see who's the quickest over.
Death is nearly there but BPD puts one last go in it, they're both at the top, BPD starts to climb down, Death falls down the side and has landed ringside to BPD's horror!
Death escaped first!
Death has escaped first and has defeated the Global Champion, the Big Pimp Daddy!
It can't be true!
No way!
He refers to decent wrestling skills and defeats the fed's top dog, give the man a medal!
Here's your winner and new Facical Confederacy of Gimmick Wrestlers Global Champ, Death!
Well, the Doc runs away and fetches the belt. He gives it to Death and shakes his hand, BPD is still at the top of the cage, holding his head in shame.
He had to show the fed who was boss, but Death embarassed us again, this has been one time too many, there's got to be a solution to this guys medling.
I had to leave for a second, but now, farewell from Subsister Sequence 99, we have a new Global Champ, Death, see you later folks!
The Facical Confederacy of Gimmick Wrestlers
This has been a presentation of the Facical Confederacy of Gimmick Wrestlers, Copyright 1999. http://rivendell.fortunecity.com/spell/240 is our URL!